Unpacking Imposter Syndrome: Meet the Family!

How many times have you heard the term “Imposter Syndrome”? Maybe you identify with it or maybe it feels more complex than that. While it’s said that up to 70% of people experience imposter feelings at some point in their careers, using it as a catch-all label can sometimes be pointless . After all, self-doubt and anxiety are natural when we’re stretching ourselves or trying something new. Framing these experiences as a “syndrome” can make us feel like there’s something wrong with us—when there isn’t.

The people I hear this the most from are;

1.     New Managers or leaders

2.    Women

Why? Because with management comes responsibility and a pressure to succeed (and make your team succeed). It is lonely at the top and women in management (especially) can feel they are ‘playing a role’, together with thinking they ‘should’ know how to do everything - this is when Imposter Syndrome can really take hold.

I will be tackling this on my New Group Coaching Course for Women in Management starting on Tuesday June 10th. My new 5-week group coaching course for women in management is designed specifically for those who lead or manage teams. Blending coaching, creativity, and community, it helps you navigate the most common challenges faced in management roles (including Imposter syndrome!)

imposter Syndrome Or Phenomenon?

A simple definition of Imposter syndrome when you feel like “a fraud” or “phony,” doubting your abilities, and fearing others will discover your self-perceived inadequacy. The term was first coined by two psychologists, Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978 on their paper The Impostor Phenomenon.

The shift to calling it "Impostor Syndrome" began in the 1980s / 90s, largely driven by popular media, self-help books, and business. The term "syndrome" unintentionally makes it sound medicalised and as women we are often told ‘we have it’ - it is something to be fixed, cured, or endured. The truth is as a ‘term’, it is worth digging a little deeper… That’s where coaching comes in. Research by Dr Valerie Young in "The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women identified there five primary types of imposter syndrome. By going to the roots of your own imposter—identifying, naming, and getting to know which of them you are most like, you can begin to loosen their grip.

So, let’s begin… bring on the family;

Penny The perfectionist

As a perfectionist her primary focus is on “how” something is done instead of the overall outcome. Despite receiving praise, she believes she could have done better.

Inner Thought: ‘I need to stay up late and finish this.. it needs to be better, it needs to be perfect - I need to prove to my team I worthy of this job’

Behaviour: Attention to detail overload. Unrealistic expectations. Won’t finish until every detail is perfect - often putting in more time and effort than is needed.

Perfectionism in Managers: Perfectionism may prevents managers / leaders from letting their team learn how to handle the project without their constant input. Also known as micromanagement.

Is this you? Do you have difficulty delegating? And when you do – do you feel frustrated by the results?

Coaching Questions (to help you!)

•                What are some alternative ways to think about mistakes or failures? 

•                What is my definition of "good enough"? 

•                What are some small steps I can take to make progress, even if I don't feel perfect?

 

Eliza The Expert

As an Expert she is focused on what she knows and how much she can do. Operating from an expert mindset, she holds herself to extremely high standards. When she perceives a gap in her knowledge, it can trigger feelings of failure or shame.  

Inner Thought: I really want to speak up in the meeting and show what I know, but what if someone asks me something I can’t answer? Then they’ll realise I’m not as capable as I seem. Maybe I just need to read another book—study more, improve, get it right.

Behaviour: Constantly seek training, worry about being exposed as a fraud, and feeling like they need to work harder than others to prove their worth. Spends lots of time trying to bulk up skill set.

Expert Imposter Syndrome in Managers: She feels the need to have every bit of knowledge and experience possible before attempting a job so will be demanding of her team. She can be critical of others who “work to learn”, want to work creatively or when there are not clear answers to things. She will only share completed outputs and not progress / learnings which causes frustration for their team.

Is this you? Do you feel like you need to know and completely understand all things before contributing or tackling a task? Do you like certainty and having the right answer?

Coaching Questions (to help you!)

•      What are the benefits of being a learner / What are the benefits of being an expert?

  • How can I help others by sharing what I know?

  • How can saying ‘I don’t know’ encourage others?

Suki the SOLOIST

As a Soloist she focuses on “who” carries out the task and tends to take on everything on her own. She believes that asking for help or needing assistance is a sign of weakness. 

Inner Thought: ‘If I ask for some help on this or delegate they’ll think I’m not capable or don’t know what I’m doing. It is quicker and easier if I just do it myself’.

Behaviour; Takes a lot of work on themselves and often stays late. Doesn’t share tasks, delegate or ask for help. Tries to complete all of the stages of a project independently.

Soloist Imposter Syndrome in Managers: This person may find sharing information difficult – they can often keep things to themselves thinking they need to handle everything alone. This can be tricky around deadlines when multiple people are working on things and cause stress for their wider team.

Is this you? Do you firmly feel that you need to accomplish things on your own? Do you feel a lack of control if you are not doing everything yourself?

Coaching Questions

  • What support would be helpful? / What would asking for help look like for you?

  • Who / Where and How could you ask for help?

  • What would you like to let go of?

Nancy the NATURAL GENIUS

The Natural Genius measures her competence by speed and ease. She doesn’t just have high expectations of herself, but expects to get things right the first time (if not it is a failure!).

Behaviour; She equates not understanding a subject or performing a skill successfully on the first try with failure. She avoids challenges as it is too uncomfortable not be brilliant at it or to be a ‘learner’.

Inner Thought: ‘I’ve always been told I’m a natural at this and people always said I was the ‘smart one’.. I will show them how quickly I can get it done, I don’t need any more training or anyone to tell me how to do it. If I can’t do it first time, I wont be doing it again!

Natural Genius in Managers: This person will find learning something new or training uncomfortable or insulting. They will find a lot of tasks easy, but when they come across a challenge will shut down. As a manager they will have high expectations of their team and a ‘do it like this’ approach.

Is this you? Do you have a track record of getting straight ‘A’s or gold stars in everything you do? Does critique or being asked to rework things feel like a threat?

Coaching Question

-       What’s working for me? What’s not working for me?

-       What do I need to say to myself to be ok with trying something new?

-       What advice would I give to a friend?

 

Sarah the SUPERHUMAN

She is someone who measures her success by “how many” roles she can both juggle and master. She regularly offers support to others and goes out of her way to take on more work (even on holidays and days off!). She feels guilty and ashamed when falling short in any role and will do whatever it takes to complete the job even if it negatively impacts on her wellbeing.

Inner Thought: ‘I am a brilliant multitasker juggling all the things; work, family things, exercise, volunteering, food.. I remember every birthday and people always come to me if they have a problem. I want people to think of me as wonderwomen, so I never say no.. I must not show I’m tired or let on I stayed up until midnight!

The Superhuman as Manager: They will often go out of their way to show they are not over worked and can cope. They are very helpful and care deeply about their team, but will often take tasks on to the detriment of their mental health to take the burden off others. 

Behaviour; Takes a lot of work on themselves and often stays late. Doesn’t share tasks, delegate or ask for help. Tries to complete all of the stages of a project independently.

Is this you? Do you get stressed when you are not working or helping? Do you work late, answer colleagues messages around the clock and often work on your days off? Do you rest?!?

Coaching Questions

-       What one thing could you let go off?

-       What do you need to do to put boundaries in place?

-       If you could be known for just one thing what would it be?

So which one are you?

Did you recognise yourself in any of the family? As you can see the ‘Imposter Phenomenon’ is alot more complicated than at first glance. It effects our behaviour, inner thoughts and how we manage or work with the people around us. Here are some pieces of research and podcasts if you want to find out more;

Group Coaching Course for Women in Management

My new 5-week group coaching course for women in management is designed specifically for those who lead or manage teams. Blending coaching, creativity, and community, it helps you navigate the most common challenges faced in management roles.

DATES: Tuesdays (11.30 - 1.30pm) 10th / 17th / 24th June, 1st / 8th July.

During this 5 week practical course you will;

1.    LEARN HOW TO COACH, by learning and practicing key coaching methods, creative techniques and principles.

2.    RECEIVE ‘COACHING’ through the peer coaching process everyone will have the opportunity to be coached - learning by working together on real-life work challenges and problem-solving within a supportive environment. You will also receive a 1to1 coaching session with me through the process

3.    LEARN SPECIFIC MANAGEMENT / LEADERSHIP SKILLS; each week will focus on a specific challenge such as Imposter Syndrome, Values at work, Confidence, Having Difficult Conversations, Brave Leadership and Self-Promotion.

*This course is for all women, which includes trans women and non-binary individuals who identify or feel comfortable in a women's space. 

Elizabeth Fraser-Betts